The Narcassist Woman

We men sometimes have a REALLY hard time letting go of the woman who's made our life hell for the last days, weeks, months...or even years. What I've found is that we often fall in love with the woman who presented herself in her best light early on in the relationship.

She's EVERYTHING we ever wanted in a woman. She's loving, attentative, buys us gifts, hangs all over us in public, great wild sex, and she lets everyone know how amazing we are.

We think...SHE'S THE ONE! My  soulmate.

So when she pushes for commitment and even marriage in only a couple of months, we say, "But of course! This is the woman of my dreams!"

We may help her out with bills, or her car, or finding work, or watching her children. We do everything we can for her because she makes us feel amazing and it's worth it to us.

Slowly, over time, or maybe after just a few months, she starts to change. She's not as attentive, she's not as into intimacy, she isn't hanging all over us in public.

She starts to say that she's not this way because we aren't  doing things right. She will subtly and slowly blame us for her problems.

We think...maybe we can get back to that amazing place! I just need to fix a few things!

So we try harder and harder but she continues to slowly pull away from us.

We give her everything because she's saying it's us that is the problem. We chase after her being everything she wants.

She gets more and more angry at us.

We may notice that she's texting other guys...and she calls us crazy. She says they are just friends, and why are we even paying attention to what she's doing anyway!  It's

none of our business.

We are crushed to find out that she's been spending a lot of time with these guys. Her phone has become more important than her own kids, much less us and we can't for the life of us understand what it is she sees in these guys.

When we bring it up, she snaps our head off. She can do no wrong, and we are the problem. She says she can't take it anymore. The gas-lighting continues, until she screaming for us to leave her alone. She calls us crazy. She wants nothing else to do with us. She says to never contact her again. We're devastated, still trying to figure out what just happened. Where did we go wrong? 

Within a week she's moved in with the other guy. It's over between us. She even threatens if we ever contact her again she going to file harassment charges. In fact, she's now saying to her new boyfriend that we were abusive! She's even considering a restraining order. The new boyfriend may even call and threaten us. If we remember back when we first met her, we may even recall a similar situation where she was telling us how her ex abused her. At the time we were thinking how could someone hurt such an innocent, beautiful and caring women. We may have even wanted to call and threaten her ex ourselves but she kept insisting to just leave it alone. If we went out we even avoided going anywhere we could possibly cross paths with him. She wouldn't even drive down the street he lives on saying it brought back too many bad memories. She's now doing and saying the same things to her new man about us.

None of it makes absolutely any sense! We gave her everything!

She's telling everyone we know how we were the one who cheated and tells everyone that we are doing what she's actually doing.

We can't understand what happened. 

Why can't we get over her? 

Why can't we just move on? 

Why do we still think it can work out?

We don't realize that our soulmate is simply a soul taker.

The problem is that we fell in love with THE MASK. She became a chameleon and pretended to be everything we ever wanted. When she felt we were totally hooked, she started to take off the mask, because it's exhausting pretending to be someone you aren't. The cracks in her facade start to show.

But we fell in love with the mask. The masked woman was never that woman to begin with. We've fallen in love with the picture she placed in front of us.

We can't understand why we can't get back to that amazing place where we were in the beginning.

Unfortunately, it was all a lie. She was never that woman. It was all an elaborate scheme to get us to fall under her control, just so she could feel validated by us, get free stuff, and favors. She took complete advantage of our love and loyalty.

 Letting go of the masked woman is hard and some of us aren't able to do it. It takes work, hard work. It takes being honest with ourselves and facing reality, the truth.

Having been through such an ordeal it's now difficult to find another woman and live the life you've always wanted. Most of us are actually prone to repeat the same thing again with other toxic women and infidelity. Often times even going back to the same one in hopes that she will change.

We need time, a lot of time, to heal. Not only to get over the hurt, but to stop blaming ourselves, to find ourselves again, to get our confidence back, to learn to be ok with ourselves. 

Once we do, we get to a point when we can date again and possibly have the women we've always wanted. Real women, who value loyalty and communication, who own up to their problems and can actually say, "I'm sorry."

We can then work on trust so that we don't destroy future relationships. We have to remember that we were left with the ptsd of emotional abuse that the soul taker left us with.

 Once we do,  we can have an amazing, trusting relationship.

It's only then we can say we've moved on.

This is all from personal experience. Not all Narcassists are men. Women aren't the only ones in relationships that experience abuse. Abuse is not limited to being physical.

Recovery begins with severing all contact. Do not look back. Stop thinking she will change. Start thinking about you. Give yourself time to heal.