Monday, December 21, 2020

How we communicate

They say one thing that separates modern humans from everything else including our "cave man" ancestors is our development of a symbolic system of communication. In other words we learned to use spoken words, written words and symbols to communicate instead of grunts or hitting someone over the head with a club.

If you want my opinion, I agree it's for sure something that separates us from everything else but not so much in a good way. 

Words, the things we say to one another can and do often get misunderstood, taken out of context and used to lie or deceive. The things we write are forever. They can be looked up and used over and over for good or bad purposes. Symbols are sometimes used as things to separate us from one another and also to identify us, not always with good intentions.

This symbolic system of communication meant to be an advancement in our evolution has had and still has as much of a negative impact as it does a positive one on the human species. 

When we evolve further and learn that some traits we pick up along the line aren't always for the better or we learn to drop the negative aspects, using them in only positive ways, is when we will start to make progress once again in reaching our full potential.

Non verbal communication already makes up the majority of our communication anyway, we just don't realize it. How many times have you been looking at someone's body language and not hearing so much what they were saying but just on the way they were acting, you knew they were lying? Have you ever gotten a look from across the room and knew exactly what they were trying to tell you just from their facial expression alone? Have you ever gotten a simple wave or been blown a kiss and it was better than anything they could have said to you? Giving a stern look to a child often does more than any scolding or punishment you could give them.

We rely more on these unspoken words more than we realize. We know when someone isn't being honest with us, but we rarely say anything. Instead we will keep it to ourselves, letting them think they got away with it, then get a resentment from it. Usually making us not trust the person anymore. It may have been they were just too embarrassed to tell us that truth and not necessarily meant to intentionally deceive us or hurt us but since we don't say anything we'll never know. 

On the other side, we will still use words to try and get away with something or deceive someone, forgetting that 99 percent of the time it's obvious to the other person what we are doing. We do it anyway, they won't say anything, we think we got away with it but then wonder why they aren't talking to us anymore.

There's a right time and a wrong time for words. It seems too often that we say more or speak longer than we should, we try to comfort with words when a simple hug would have been better, we get frustrated with continually telling someone how much they mean to us when what we really need to be doing is showing them by spending time with them.

We need to stop using words so much and start doing or showing. Don't just tell someone you care about them, show them. Don't just tell those close to you that you love them, show them. Don't just tell someone that you are there for them if they need you, be there for them regardless. Don't wait on someone to ask you for help, help them without them having to ask.

When we start communicating with each other more through actions instead of words is when we will get to that next level. It's when we will start understanding each other and what we are trying to say instead of misunderstanding. It's when we will stop lying to ourselves and to each other and start being honest. It's when we will start being more accepting and less expecting, trusting and less suspicious, more helpful and less hurtful. We will start living a more peaceful life, in harmony with one another, understanding our true purpose or meaning rather than a life of routine, slaves to a system feeling lost and misunderstood. 

SHOW someone today that you care about them. 
SHOW someone today that you love them. 
SHOW someone today that you have their back and are there for them.
SHOW someone today how much they mean to you.

Also, remember as parents, we aren't raising kids, we're raising adults. Show your children how adults act, don't tell them. Stop with the "do as I say not as I do" mentality. Show them how to be happy with themselves, don't describe it to them. Show them how to keep their room clean, pick up their messes and respect things that belong to others, don't just tell them to. Show them you are proud of them, instead of just telling them. Show them where they went wrong and the right way to do it, don't tell them.

I was told once that I  may be the only example of an adult that my child ever sees then asked if I was proud of what they were seeing and how I would feel if it were the other way around.

 Pay attention to and put more importance on what you are showing those you love and care about and less on what you are telling them. Hell, just make it a habit to do it with everyone in your life. It shouldn't matter how well you know them or if you'll ever see then again. Everyone deserves the same respect until they SHOW you otherwise... 

LWH2020

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