Why am I here

I have this feeling, like I don't belong, I felt it since birth, 

Everyday I deal with what's become for me, a virtual hell here on Earth.

Most days are a struggle, just getting out of bed, 

No energy, sick and tired, sad thoughts in my head. 

I pray, I beg, God please take me away, from this earth, from this life, 

I can't take another day.

But he won't, he tells me, this is where I'm supposed to be. 

He has a purpose, a plan, a use for me,

I know it now, awakening, one of his children sent to fight, 

To spread the word, change the course, from the darkness to the light.

But theres a twist to the story before I begin, 

to spread his word, tell of his love and a life without sin. 

I must experience the struggle, to know and feel what it's like, 

living from day to day knowing, 

each day is another fight.

So the battle begins, 

a life of stress and worries, 

broken promises, lost dreams 

and futile wishes,

daily battles with addiction, drugs,

obsessive thoughts and compulsive itches.

with people, always conflict, 

we bitch, we cuss, we blame,

constant fighting, try to control me, 

I'm called an asshole, a junkie and a few other choice names.

Year after year, it goes on and on, 

I can't take much more,

I'm tired,  I need to rest, 

get my feet off the floor.

It's all the demands, misunderstanding, the sadness, so much sadness where do I even start,

trying to explain how lonely it gets,

living constantly with a broken heart.

Pride and egos, defects in character,

they come face to face,

testing my endurance, how far can they push me, like it's some kind of race.

We should be treating others the way we want to be treated,

it's not about winning, it's not about losing either, 

but still we judge and point fingers,

so cruel, so cold, so bitter.

I get tangled in others webs, 

woven with gossip, lies and deciet.

the more I fight it, the stronger it gets,

to the point so tight, I feel I can't breathe.

I can't take much more, the insanity has to stop.

I'm not giving up,  

God I promise you I'm not.

You have a purpose he said, go help others in their fight.

Spread the word, there is salvation, you have a creator, he gave you life.

Many gifts he has given you, but there is one, none the greater,

It's his son Jesus Christ, he's the one who is your savior.

He said I love you my child, come to me, there are some things you must do,

confess to me your sins and be willing to let them go,

Do this in the presense of your brother, don't deny me in the company of peers,

I will heal your broken heart and take away your worries and fears.

Accept my son as your savior,  it is through him your sins are forgiven,

His name is Jesus, my only son,

the one returned from the dead to the living.

its through his blood shed on that cross, on the hills of Calvary,

my son I sent to die,

so your souls can be forever sin free.

We have his Mercy and his Grace, 

now love is all we need, 

there are those who say its not enough, there are those who don't believe.

People these days will never know his love,  coming from one another,

it's not the same, 

it's rarely unconditional, told you must do this or that, some try to buy it, it's not for sale, the debt had long been paid.

When its missing, it leaves a void. I tried to fill it with a needle and spoon, 

no matter what I do, it's not enough, a hole as big as the moon, 

yet God's love, it soothes the soul, if you ever feel it it's amazing, 

It satisfies our wants and fulfills our needs, it's the drug, we should be craving.

We are human, bad decisions, we stumble and we fall, 

God knows this, he doesn't forget us, 

he knows our desires, needs and wants most of all.

So don't judge me or condemn me, what gives you the right, 

Do you even know me, have you walked in my shoes, felt my struggle, fought my fight?

People throw rocks at glass houses, a little stupid don't you think, it's that COOL-aid they're drinking, 

They think their shit doesn't stink. 

Hard headed, self centred, ego driven, kicking, screaming, 

Look at me, what about me, me, me, me, no one is listening, 

but God is watching, he's taking note, the end is soon, your time is coming, 

standing at the gates, 

Saint Peter calls your name, now it's God, who's doing the judging.

Here on Earth, God knows I try, I feel like Job, he test my faith, 

Oh trust me when I say, theres times, plenty, when I wanna break, 

But I push and I push, any and everything to get thru, 

went the distance and gone above, 

still I know, God the glory, belongs to you.

I still need an answer God,   how do I get through, 

these people, so full of doubt,what do I do, 

I pray, I listen, I call on the angels you have sent me, 

but its like no one hears me, not even you.

Up and down the hallway, kicking doors, losing focus, 

Then I hear that faint whisper, 

God says to me, sit down and be quiet, 

Then you'll see, when one door closes Another one opens.

Have faith my child. You have nothing to fear, 

A legion of angels I've sent to protect you, they are always near. 

Michael, Gabriel and Raphael, my most trusted of them all,

They're here to serve you, protect you, keep you from harm, 

They have so much to teach you,

they watch every step you take,

 you have so much to learn, mistakes you will make.

Though the end may be near,  

we are only just beginning, 

and it's you I've placed trust in, 

to spread the word that I'm here.

So remember my child, this question that you ask, 

the answer you seek is found within the task, 

Simply go fourth on this journey, One day at a time, 

sometimes minute by minute, Just keep a straight line.

Follow the path I've shown you, It's along the way you will find, 

You already know the answer,

Follow not your will, but mine......