well monday is here. its back to work. all in all, christmas was good. all the kids got what they wanted and then some.
feeling a little distant today for some reason. I just feel like something is missing or being forgotten. I have been feeling that a lot lately. I know I will miss the holidays when there over but I will also be glad they are over so things can get back to normal or whatever normal is. I have been neglecting work the last few weeks just trying to get things together for christmas and its catching up with me. Then my f#@* up brain takes over and says"if you can't do it all, then don't do any of it".
I need to get back to my recovery too. I feel like I haven't been going to enough meetings or giving the sponsees in my life the time they deserve. with all that said, I had this newcomer come to me last night and ask me to sponsor him. I thank God for the guys in my life because they keep me on my toes so to speak. I would be lost without them but I also don't want to "save the Fellowship" either. I have enough going on with my recovery, work and the kids. I need to be careful to not over do it trying to help others.
I'm missing the kids too. They have been spending time with their mother the last few days. Jesse went home yesterday and I'm missing him more than usual. Maybe because everytime I see him he seems to have grown a foot. I feel like I'm missing out on everything. I guess now I know how Jodi feels being so far from the kids. I couldn't do it knowing now how it feels just being away from jesse for a few days. It makes me feel guilty sometimes that I seem to miss him more than the others but I know its only because I am not around him all the time. I need to show the others the attention during the week that I show jesse on the weekends when he is here.
oh well... enough whining. like I said, today was another good day compared to what they used to be.
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