Self Sabotaging Blame Game

People need to stop giving others advice and telling them  it's time to leave a relationship or worse, some action to take against the person they are involved with. 

The only thing we know about a person or the one they are in a relationship with is that one of them may be asking us for advice, like how will they know when is it time to leave that relationship. Just because they are asking that question or looking for answers doesn't automatically mean the relationship is over. In order for us to accurately answer that question for someone, we would need to go live in the relationship for long enough time to know when, why or even if anyone should leave. I say anyone because we could possibly end up seeing that the person coming to us looking for answers is actually the one causing problems. We may want to tell the other person to get away from this person who's blaming them, but we don't do that and never should. If I can give a person advice or tell them what decision to make, then go home, sit in my recliner and have to never suffer any consequences from that, then I should never be the one making the decision. It's like telling someone to jump off a 100 ft. cliff into the water and not knowing if the water is actually deep enough. If you aren't going to jump first then you have no right telling someone else its safe.

Just because a person asked a question about when do you know when a relationship is over, does not mean it's over now and time to go.  Stop telling this people what to do in their relationships. 

Being unhappy, feeling unloved, unwanted, jealous, suspicious, used, neglected, unappreciated or all of the above are not immediate reasons to leave a relationship unless you, yourself, are 100% sure that you are emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, financially and egotistically healthy and of sound mind which I doubt any one of us are. At any given time we will be struggling in at least one or more of those areas. We aren't perfect beings. Any one of those things or any combination of those being screwed up with us could project onto the other person. For example if we bring trust issues from a past relationship into a new one, we could cause that person to withdraw or start acting differently which in turn makes us suspicious so we now have this domino effect going on untill we're at each other's throats and packing. We would most likely be blaming the other person, oblivious to anything we are doing wrong, but all along the problems in the relationship are because we never dealt with the baggage from the last relationship.

A person, even ourselves could be suffering from any number of things, depression, PTSD, mid life crisis, post partum, anxiety, physical pain, grief, paranoia or stress. Ending a relationship that one or more of these negative defects has reared its ugly head in may or may not resolve those problems and could actually make things worse. 

I can say this, if the ones involved in the relationship aren't BOTH willing to talk, do some type of personal inventory, together do an inventory on the relationship and get to the bottom of what's going on, so at least you'll know what needs to change and the parties involved are BOTH willing to put effort into seeing that change come about, then it most likely would never work anyway.

Love is more than being happy, laughing, enjoying someone's presence in your life or everything being perfect. Sometimes love is despising the person your with but willing to lower your expectations for a minute, raise your level of acceptance and support them through the process of changing the behaviors that made you despise them to begin with. Sometimes love is being willing to look at your own shortcomings and willing to make changes yourself. Love isn't always about giving and receiving, sometimes it's about sacrificing and learning to accept help. Even if you end of separating yourself from this person, you can still be there for them. Humility, compassion and forgiveness are just as much for our enemies as they are for those we accept. We don't have to be infatuated with a person in order to be kind or to help them.

If we don't soon get ahold of this human condition, golden rule, love thy neighbor, brothers keeper, all lives matter, unconditional love shit, our future as an evolving species isn't looking too good. We are divided along every line imaginable right now, racially, politically, sexually, religiously, we're even making shit up to divide is even further. We are right on that edge of global suicide. We're killing ourselves while AI (artificial intelligence) is evolving past us with lightning speed, WITH OR WITHOUT US. Our focus right now should be on learning how to get past our differences instead of fighting or running from one another.

LWH2021