Prophecy 2020

I recently watched a video sent to me by a friend concerning events happening in America such as the protest that are going on and the changes that are taking place. The video was made by a man in Kentucky who said he was a pastor. He didn't claim to be a prophet, he wasn't trying to sell anything, he wasn't pushing God or religion, simply he felt it was his duty to share about 3 dreams he had recently concerning the current events and those to come.

In the video, he basically said he had a dream in December of 2019 and in the dream he saw a calendar in which the months of March and June were pointed out. In the dream he saw in those months the very things we experienced and have taken place already. He claimed that everything he saw in the dream had come true.

Just this past week he said he had 2 other dreams in which the months of September and November were pointed out. In those months he saw that we would experience a total break down of our economy and system of government. He went into more detail but that basically sums up what he said. It would be total chaos with the worst happening in November and the end result being America occupied by NATO, Chinese and Russian forces. He didn't comment if they were hostile forces but that America would be in civil war and the country we once knew would no longer exist.

Here's where I stand. I absolutely believe this country is about to and is going through major changes. I don't think we have seen the worst of it yet. 

I was raised Christian and taught to believe in God. As I have gotten older I've come to believe that there is truth to what the Bible teaches but I feel a lot of it is misinterpreted and there is much more to it than we realize. I do believe there is something more than our existence on Earth and it's not as simple as heaven and hell. I believe we have a soul or energy and our bodies are just a temporary vessel. I believe we each have free will and the things we do in our lifetime have an impact on that energy once it leaves our body after death. Those are just my beliefs, my opinion and I have nothing to prove its the truth. It's the answer that for me has satisfied questions I have had all my life, although since I don't have proof I still remain open minded and convinced there is much more I don't know. 

Since I was a small child I have always felt different. I feel like I don't belong here but there is a purpose for my being here. I don't identify myself as an empath or psychic because I think labels such as that are only an extension of our egos although I have had and still have times where I possess knowledge of events or things I shouldn't have. I have a very strong intuition and I'm very good at reading people. I'm very sensitive to others emotions to the point I avoid certain situations or events such as funerals or wakes. I've had several times when I felt overwhelmed to give complete strangers knowledge that made absolutely no sense to me but made perfect sense to them. So when someone says they had a dream or were someway given information that they felt a need to tell others, I don't discredit that.  

What I personally will never do that I'm also skeptical of coming from others is when someone claims to be able to see future events at will, tries to give anyone advice on a decision or in any way claims to have some special power unique to them as if they are some chosen prophet. 

There are a lot of people who identity as empath or say they have psychic abilities and claim to know about future events. There are those who say they can talk to spirits or have these so called super powers. Most I've listened to it's more like those are things they want or use for attention. It's like it gives them an ego boost or they use it as a way to compensate for feeling some way. I personally believe no human being alive can honestly say what the future holds, what happens to us after we die or if there are forces or dimensions existing along with us that we can't see with certainty. I do believe some of us feel things that others don't. As I said, I know I do but I have to be careful with that because I can convince myself anything is real if I believe it and talk about it long enough. I also believe in the law of attraction where we can manifest things in our life both good and bad. What I don't believe is that no one can predict the future. Crystal balls are bullshit. I do believe in the Tarot but too many times I hear people talk about getting bad news from it. For me, nothing negative comes from the Tarot because that would be predicting something that hasn't happened. The tarot may reveal to you something that you don't want to hear but the Tarot is about showing me things I'm going through that could be causing issues for me, helping me to see the negative things I may be doing and helping me to turn those negatives into positives.

 I believe the pastor in the video. I believe he had those dreams, but one thing I also believe is everything he predicted has the possibility of happening but has just as much chance of not happening. It's one possible outcome of infinite.  The guy in the video was warning everyone and telling them to prepare or brace themselves for a very chaotic time and dealing with evil forces. Again, he wasn't pushing people to get saved or believe in any certain religion but more as a warning to be prepared with food, shelter and protection for their families. It was very convincing but for me, my gut keeps reminding me that the future cannot be predicted. It hasn't happened yet so it can't be seen. Each of us I believe has free will and any future we have can change at any moment. If that weren't the case then we are all living a scripted life so what is the point of even existing. That would only make us some type of game piece for whoever wrote the script.

 I've come to believe that everyone here regardless of any labels we have put on ourselves or by any difference that we use to separate and divide us, we all have one thing in common, we all have a desire to be loved. Love is the only constant that never changes. It's more than a feeling. It's like saying there is no such thing as cold, it's only the absence of heat or there is no such thing as dark, it's only the absence of light so that would mean there is no such thing as evil or negative, it's only the absence of love. So much love has been removed from this world that it has left behind evil and chaos so the solution would be to fill everything with love once again. A vision of future chaos tells me there isn't enough love in this world.  That needs to be changed. Love unconditionally, practice forgiveness, patience and tolerance. Remain willing and open-minded to learn new things. Have high acceptance of things out of our control and lower expectations. Stay humble and help others. That's is the only love that will save us.

LWH 2020

A Species with their head stuck in their ass

I just read a news article about a politician being "secretly" recorded telling a room full of members to a club he belongs his opinion of the Coronavirus and it's potential effects on the US.

The article was trying to make it appear that he was passing along vital information that would potentially help those listening and give them some sort of advantage when he should have been holding a press conference and telling everyone.

It was clear the article was written by someone from the left side of politics and mercilessly crucifying the man. I must assume mainly or if you want my honest opinion, ENTIRELY because he was a republican. Some comments on the article were even going as far as wishing him to burn in hell for his deeds and death to his family like he were Hitler.

OMFG people! If he would have said those same things he said in private, on national TV where the entire world could see and hear him, you would have crucified him for that. The most likely reason he didn't hold a press conference and tell everyone what he knew, instead of the few he did, was maybe I don't know, maybe because it was all bullshit! It was all personal opinion and nothing fact. Is that what you want your politicians telling you? Their personal opinion of the situation or do you want the facts?

The truest, most real statement I have ever heard in my life was 

"the main objective of any protest is to piss off those you disagree with." 

Doesn't matter if what you're protesting has anything to do with you, is something you disagree on, nothing, just as long as the protesting pisses the other side off. That seems to be a liberals guide to protesting these days.

There is a video going around of Joe Biden that's a compilation of him interacting with young girls, girls 10 years old or less and then it shows him with older women, but the point of the whole video is to portray him as a pedophile. I mean clearly in the video anyone can see that the way he's interacting with these females is inappropriate and making some of them very uncomfortable. If you read through the comments on that video, you will not find one that comes from a supporter of his condemning him in any way. Instead they make excuses for his behavior. 

Borderline child molesting and excuses are made but let someone you disagree with share their opinion and you wish they burn in hell.

I don't support or condemn the video of Biden, I wasn't there during any of those incidents and I'm not a juror having to decide if he's guilty so it doesn't fucking matter. The only thing I could contribute would be a biased opinion containing no facts that would only serve to cause controversy. 

The same with all the videos and screen shots or anything else on the internet going around. It's put out there for one reason, to cause controversy and keep all of us divided. If Burr was a democrat, liberals wouldn't even be talking about it. If Biden were a republican they would be all over him wishing for his death.

Hate runs deep in this country, too deep. It's our Cancer and it's going to be the very thing that kills us. Quit judging people solely on group opinion of them or something you got from hearsay, propaganda, photoshopped videos, pictures or because of a label. Get the facts, give everyone equal consideration and then form your own opinion allowing plenty of room for doubt because there are 3 sides to everything, your side, my side and the truth with the truth rarely being heard.

 If the people of this world, especially this country don't eventually get their heads out of their asses and start seeking the truth, we're fucked.

The human species is the only species on this planet that keeps a record of time but fail to realize that it's something we are running out of.

 The human species are the only one that will kill solely for no reason other than to kill but claim to be civilized. 

The human species are the only one that is killing themselves with the very things they  convince themselves makes them more comfortable while claiming to be the smartest and most advanced. 

Humans are the only species that charges itself for things that are given freely by nature and speaking of free, humans are the only species that 99 percent allow themselves to be controlled by a self appointed 1 percent, not just allow but pay them fortunes to do it while the 99 percent struggle. 

Get your heads out of your asses. . Please

LWH 2020

I think of you

I think of you in the mornings as the sun is rising on the horizon because it reminds me how you woke me up again and brought light back into my life.

I think of you when I'm working and I feel the sweat on my brow because it reminds me of how I would get nervous when you first started coming around.

I think of you when I'm driving home, the silence, only my thoughts because it reminds me of you, how you can be silent for days and withdraw from the world whenever you choose.

Fact is, I think of you every second of every minute of every hour of every day because every breath I take, every step forward, every thing I do, every where I go, reminds me of you because you were once everything I lived for.

A Broken Heart

When you feel like you have nothing left, remember... It's a fact of life, people will lie and cheat. They will stab you in the back. They will tell you they love you even though they don't. Getting your heart broke is a chance everyone takes if they ever want to experience real love, the kind you feel, not the kind you say.

Don't let one bad apple spoil the whole barrel. Keep moving forward and living life without regret, forgive those that hurt you and let go of any resentments, leaving the past in the past.

Why? .... because not everyone wants to use you.  There are people out there who do love you. People who would never dream of hurting you. If you're still carrying resentment, these people will pay the price for that damage from your past, making you the liar, cheater and the one whose breaking hearts.

Let God into your heart. Have faith that you'll find each other. Don't fear being alone, trust the process and be patient. God will show you the path to take. God will tell you everything you need to know to find the one you're looking for, but you must be silent in your thoughts and with love in your heart to hear it.

Not who, but Why I am

What I'm going to say here is my experience. What you or anyone else takes from it is up to you.  I never give advice and no one should ever give advice that has a chance to seriously and severely affect another person's life.  If you're going through something similar, you should be looking inside yourself and your heart for the answer. It's ok to ask for someone's experience, but if they haven't been where you are then they have no business telling you what you should do.

When my wife and I split up, I walked away with no where to go but I knew that staying there was not working. I lived in an extended stay hotel for 2 months. My kids came to see me twice. They were 3, 5 and 9 years old. I spent Christmas alone in that hotel room contemplating suicide. I wanted to be home with my family, to see my kids wake up Christmas morning to see what Santa had brought. I wanted to hold my wife and tell her I loved her, but it was too late for that. I was ashamed of myself. A man is not supposed to abandon his family like that. Hes their protector, it takes two parents to raise a child, no other man should be responsible for raising my children, my kids need their dad. All of that was going through my head. I was ashamed, I felt guilty, I was heartbroken, I was mad, I was sad, I wanted to die but I didn't want my kids to hurt.

I was depressed and didn't know it. I had been for a long time. I was 4 years sober and didn't realize that there are several things, other illnesses, underlying causes that can lead to substance abuse. Addiction is a symptom. All I wanted to do was lay in bed. I didn't want to see anyone, I didn't want anyone to see me. For someone who has never been there, they won't understand but it's not as easy as just making a decision to get up. You get to a point where you are just surviving and even that becomes hard.

The more time that went by the worse things got. My wife would call and tell me what a piece of shit I was. How I was hurting my kids. She wasn't telling me anything I didn't already know but I couldn't do anything about it. I would sit there on that bed crying, thinking about what I was doing to my kids, with a gun to my head hoping that day was the day I had the balls to pull the trigger.

After almost 3 months my phone rang. It was my wife telling me I needed to come get the kids. I thought she meant for the night or something but she said no, I needed to come get them to come live with me. She said she couldn't take care of them and that they would be better with me. I didn't know why she did that at the time and I don't know why I did what I did, but I got up walked out of that hotel, went and rented a 2 bedroom apartment, put furniture in it, then went and got my kids.

I was lost, I didn't have a clue what I was doing, I had a 3 year old son and 5 & 9 year old daughters. I didn't know anything about taking care of kids. Their mother did all of that while I worked. Now here I am, taking 2 kids and dropping them off at school. I find a daycare for my son, I owned a construction business that was growing and consuming more of my time everyday, then picking kids up, feeding them, homework, baths, bed, more work, then do it all over again the next day still fighting depression and struggling to stay sober.

I don't know how I managed to do it, I finally saw a doctor about the depression, got moved into a house, hired people to run the business during that first year and never really gave it much thought until somebody came up to me one day in the grocery store and said to me that it was a wonderful thing and what a great person I was for stepping up and getting those kids, taking care of them the way I did. I smiled and said thank you but I really wanted to cuss them. First, they are my kids, I didn't adopt them from an orphanage. I didn't have a choice. When she called and said to come get them it didn't occur to me that I had a choice. If I had of known that at the time I might not have went to get them, but I didn't have a choice. I didn't do anything wonderful or anything that millions of single moms and single dad's weren't doing everyday. There was nothing special about me. In fact, I was the one rescued. Those kids, my kids, saved me. I would have eventually killed myself if that wouldn't have happened.

The second thing about them saying that, was they were making it out like their mother had just abandoned them or didn't want them anymore. What I didn't know on day one and what these people didn't know was that their mother had found out she had cancer. She knew she didn't have long, she knew the treatments were going to make her sick where she couldn't take care of the kids and she didn't want them to see her dying this slow miserable death. She loved her kids and she was a great mother. What she did, she did for them. Making the decision to pick up that phone and call me to come get them was probably the hardest decision she ever made and at the same time the easiest.

That was 17 years ago and we've been through some ups and downs. The hardest thing I've ever had to go through was hearing my son laying in bed crying one night. He was 7 years old and I went into his room and asked him what was wrong, I thought he was having a bad dream or something. He looked up at me with tears running down his face and said  daddy don't let momma die, I don't want her to. I wouldn't wish that moment on my worst enemy. To know my child is hurting like that and looking to me to fix it and knowing there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it ripped me apart at the soul. If I could have traded places with her I would have. If I knew that it would bring her back and she was back in their life, I would trade places with her today. 

Here's the thing, people will come to you and say things. People will give you advice. I never asked Jodi for a dime of child support. I didn't need it and she couldn't pay it. That was not something she needed to worry about but people would still come to me and ask me if she was paying anything or if she ever saw the kids. She saw them every chance she got and she fought through chemo and being too sick to open her mouth to talk for nearly 9 years until that shit consumed every part of her body and she couldn't hold on any longer even though in the beginning the doctors told her she wouldn't make it 6 months. She held on for her kids, to give them as much time as she could. What she gave them, what she gave me was worth more than what any judge could have ordered her to pay.

What you are going through in life is between you and those involved. Nobody else knows what any of you are going through. Every situation is different. There's a reason people do what they are doing and you knowing them better than anyone probably know why. I doubt it's intentional or meant out of spite or meanness. Everyone struggling with something wants something different than what they are getting from life.

The same for us. I'm sure we could be doing some things different but right now we are doing what we think is right for us.

My wife and I didn't get back together. We knew it wouldn't work, even if she wouldn't have had cancer, we just couldn't be together. That didn't mean that we didn't love one another. I doubt I'll ever love anyone the way I loved her and I know she felt the same about me. She quit being resentful towards me, she forgave me for some things I did and she quit telling me what a piece of shit I was because she didn't really believe that. What she felt was hurt, not anger. She wanted to hurt me like I hurt her. It was only after we let all of that go, we forgave one another, we accepted we had these kids together and now it was about them, not just about me and her. It took something major in her life to get her to pick up that phone and call me even though it was the last thing she wanted to do and it took her not giving me that choice whether to get them or not, to get all of us to where we are today. Had she not, who knows, maybe neither one of us would be here today.

Don't ever assume you know what someone else is going through or what demons they are fighting unless you've walked in their shoes.

You take advantage of my kindness

You too advantage of my kindness and treated it like a weakness.

When I give, there's no strings attached. When I love, it's unconditional. When I care, it's genuine.  I know what it's like to be without, ignored and alone. Because of that I know the value of what's in my heart. I also know it was the grace of God that got me through those struggles and I've come to know the more that I give away, the more I get in return. It's when I stop loving, that I no longer feel loved. It's when I stop helping that I feel ignored, it's when I stop giving that I stop receiving.

I will be careful though. I will not give these precious gifts to be abused and taken for granted. When they are, I won't stop giving, I won't get angry, I won't be spiteful. What I will do is reevaluate your place in my life. I will find some one who appreciates my sincerity.

When I make a decision to open up and give what I have to offer, I'm all in. You get 100%. The same in reverse, when I decide I'm done, I'm done. There's no looking back and I will have no regrets. I will only be a memory for you....

Today I break my heart

I just want you to know that 
  I love you, 
even though my head tells me 
  not too.

I know why you stay away,
  but my heart looks beyond reason.
It refuses to give up and continues   to beat for the only love it believes in.

This is the point where my heart breaks,
  but it's not you,  the one who will break it. 
it's me, it has to stop hurting, I'm the one who must make it. 

I'm afraid because I'm going to be cold, 
I'm no longer going to care, the love will be gone, 
the dreams will go away,
memories will fade,

Today is the day I grab my heart, 
pull it from my chest to tear it apart. 

Today is the day I break my heart.